I'm AWAKE and WATCHING YOU WORLD!

 

I haven't posted in a while. After the events of Jan 6,  I was horrified and speechless. 

After a few heat pump posts, and a lot of silence,  I’ve been thinking - that I’d like to make a post here every day until my death. Seems unlikely. 

Nonetheless - I’m going to start.

I declare this blog open and active again!

My three cats: the morning meeting

My three rescue cats from DAWS decided they want to hold a daily meeting. By feline decree, this meeting, sort of a greeting ceremony, should occur at the corner of the couch in the center of the living room every morning right after the human starts walking around. I don't know what happens if I move the couch. The world will probably end.

The two boys, Crow and GreyHawk scurry over, wind around my legs and each other, tails up, making funny little sounds, giving head butts and cheek rubs. At the commotion, our little cat-colony queen Fiji Phoebe, decides she really should participate and strolls over. She tries hard to make sure one of the boys is strategically positioned between her and the huge horrible human. She speaks to me, but usually only gets close enough to sniff my hand. Yesterday for the first time she allowed me to pet her during the ceremony. Progress!

April 2016 Poem A Day #25 - Planting

Planting
the spring exercise

  Position the shovel.
  Place your full weight
  on the shovel by standing
  on its top rim so the shovel
  sinks into the earth.
  Rock the shovel back and
  forth to loosen the earth.
  Leverage it down
  and swing up
  this small load of earth
  out of a brand new hole.
  Empty the shovel to the side
  Do over. Do over. Do over. Do over.
  Remove the container and wrappings
  from the plant and set it in the hole.
  With a trowel ease the dirt around the plant.
  Gently tamp with a thumb or a toe.
  Keep filling in with rich loose earth.
  Water liberally.

April 2016 Poem A Day #20 - How I learned to say no

Prompt is write a poem about something not said

HOW I LEARNED TO SAY NO
.

Will you do x
Will you do Y
Will you do z
She never said yes
but never said no
and did all three....

April 2016 Poem A Day #12 Cafe Faux Pas

The prompt was write a silly or a serious poem. Obviously I went silly today.


Cafe Faux Pas

Coffee with cocoa
Coffee with loco
and a side of sly
caffeine
to keep up
the dream of busy
days.
While I'm scratching my head
they bring decafe instead.
Now I's ready for bed. :(

April 2016 Poem A Day #7 Urban Whatever

Part time Urban

I like the idea of cities,
walkup neighborhoods, museums, coffee shops
the mix of culture and habit
.
I need busy and humming sometimes
bumping up against the world
in a subway or a pub
.
More often though I like quiet
equilibrium, siting in a swing
on a porch listening to rain fall
.
I like the bright lights,
then I like going home
walking in the quiet dark

Morning walk in not quite crisp air

I set out this morning at 6:15am on a walk. From hospital hill,  hanging there in the sky was a huge full moon. It surprised me hovering there over the trees looking big, bright and odd. On these walks I've been noticing the fall flowers still blooming. It was 55 degrees this morning. No frost in sight. Yet.

I've also been enjoying a new fountain at the hospital main entrance, which sits in the middle of a serenity pond/garden.  It appears designed to make friendly splashy noises for relaxation.  There are benches for sitting and contemplating which can be done, preferably, with a nice hot cup of coffee in hand from the coffee shop.

When does enabling start?

The answer to this question for me is: I don't know really.

Apparently it's something about the drinker having to bear their own choices. And for people who care to detach and not bear the drinkers choices for them,  because in the long run it hurts the drinker and enables them to go on making bad choices and drags the helper down too.

I was told not to help because helping might not be helping. And I didn't after saying I would. I don't know if I made the right decision or not. It seems harsh to detach but people tell me it will never end. and some you are staring down the deep well where their problem is your problem too and is now destroying both of you.

 This article at Psych Central tells about enabling.

 I don't want to resent this person. I want to step away before I do. I don't know if meetings are being attended. I don't know what steps are being taken to turn the life around. And really I don't need to know. because it's not my life to manage and fret over. And that is what I did this whole day. Fret about it.  I am still freaking fretting about it. Which is why I really have to detach.

Philosophy from my past - a 1982 journal entry

I found an old journal of mine in the basement - a book in pen on paper. Some entries I think I will post. :)

This is the very first, from January 4, 1982 -- long before blogs, before cell phones, before I had email, or even a computer.   I was fighting sadness:

     There are no whys.

     There are only nows,
     spanning eternity end to end,
     like points in a line, infinite,
     yet each in strident isolation.

     I am sick of whys.
     Whys stink of pain.
     Give me distraction: the eternal present.
     The kingdom of contentment is "NOW."

     Life needs no reason.
     Life is reason enough.
                   
                           -- Mad Mar (Mistryel) Walker

My improving mood

A little sunshine can improve your mood. This afternoon featured streaming rays with attendant blue sky. This pic looks like someone just beamed aboard the mothership. And only a moment ago I was sitting right there... haha

Box-o-phobia

Sometimes I feel like I am caught in a box. There are certain aspects of my life that I cannot change right now and I fully accept that and embrace that fact. But something somewhere in my world needs to change to ward off the building comatose stagnation in my personal air..
.
My immediate reaction has been to change things that can be changed until I feel that I am out of the box. So lately, I have been changing my blog names and url addresses in a Kaleidoscopic manner. That hasn't really been satisfactory - though I am pleased with the results. Other things may begin changing as well. Everything I am involved with is up in the air with me at the moment.

The roar at Stevenson Dam after all the rain, 3/14/2010

While traveling from the New Haven area on Sunday I took this short video of the Stevenson Dam on Route 34. Notice the incredible gush of water that is being let out of Lake Zoar at the side of the dam > you can see it in the lower right hand side of the frame . That is a lot of water. Peak was not expected until 1 p.m. the following day, according to a Danbury News Times article. This was video shot with a G3 iphone using the Qik Video app. The G3 cannot shoot video out of the box. This is a a low rez fix - but low rez but better than no rez.

http://www.youtube.com/v/zvRsLMKukJ0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0

Tinnitus - these ubiquitous bells

This quiet morning, with a low sun and odd grey sky, I clearly hear the roar of highway and also a ninth chord of bells inside my head.

For many years I've had a common and incurable phenomenon known as tinnitus - which is a ringing sound in your ears, often related to hearing loss, blood pressure, allergies, or sometimes brought on by dozens of different medications.

I think of it as the hum of the universe. I guess more properly it is the hum of the "innerverse."  I find it comforting to  know everything is circulating and my inner machineries are on with their usual whirl .  On most days  this ever-present accompaniment fades to the background, becomes unnoticed. Today I am noticing it more than usual, though  I don't find it unpleasant.

Not everyone is amused by this malady. It drives some people crazy and they go to great lengths to find a cause and to mitigate the sound, sometimes with electronic devices that make still more static sounds. For me, as for many, the cause is unknown.

It's funny how what one person finds comforting, drives another to distraction. Life is like that I guess, what with all the little preferences we hold.

The photo is a reflection of a patron at the Blue Colony Diner in Newtown. The overall effect of each tiny light, with its reflection in the double-paine glass, reminded me a little of the layered ringing sound. She also appears to be covering an ear.

Comments are welcome.

-- Mar Walker

Case of the disappearing O's & quote for the day

"Have you ever tried to CRUSH a Cheerio?"

This was  not Genghis Khan nor Sally Sour speaking. It was not a sardonic Brit, who couldn't get the last word as an opponent left the argument.  It was a hungry, white-haired elder trying out a Stop and Shop muffin recipe that called for this odd ingredient: X amount of crushed Cheerios.   A Cheerio, being so little and round, and good-natured, might sound like an easy target. Guess not.  She said  that when a large spoon was applied, the little buggers just leaped out from between the spoon and the breadboard.  I suggested a paper bag and a sledge hammer or the hopelessly modern device: the food processor. Both suggestions were booed.

The baker, not to be derailed from baking, put the Cheerios in the muffin batter whole. Guess what? Not one whole or partial Cheerio was found in the tasty finished muffins.  Despite the ignored instructions of the marketing department, the laws of physics triumph once again.....

Vote Bots hit my youtube channel overnight

Amazing stuff. Automated votebots attacked my wee-little brand new channel overnight and most of my videos went from five stars to one star overnight. Some had less the ten views but had been rated as many as 34 times. I did have the foresight to disable ratings on My Escape from Christianity which seemed like an obvious target.

I closed one, opened two more Youtube Channels

Following the example of someone else I know, I closed my old YouTube channel, PuzzledDragonVideo. I had so many videos of other people reading poetry, it just didn't look like my channel anymore. I took all the videos from WNPS or of other poets reading and put them on a channel called PoetsAndTheirPoems. Its URL is http://YouTube.com/PoetsAndTheirPoems I also added the infamous Dueling Cameras video to this channel where six folks from Wednesday Night Poetry go to the Blue Coloney Diner afterwards. There is also a playlist with two videos of Anne Marie on that channel. One is on the channel itself; the other is on her slam-team mate Sean Gallager's site. It's a little blury but still funny.

My own brand new channel has the same title as my original blog here (I've moved as you can see) - the Puzzled Dragon at http://YouTube.com/thePuzzledDragon This channel is now home to my poems, stories, odd notes, weird videos, artwork videos. I really culled the material to be put up there so there is absolutely no material that I did not create myself. The classical singing from my recital in 2006 will go up on a channel of its own at a later time. Though I might include the spoof video of Ernani Involami

Ademdum: The classical channel is http://YouTube.com/AlmostSang

Phooey on politics!

There are some things in the world that require a direct address not a remote vote.  The polite request of  dog who wants something is one of them. Shown here is Oggi who's is now around 11 years old.  Her muzzle wasn't so white when I got her from Danbury Pound.

Below is her sort of friend, the cat Miet, also adopted from an unknown past......  When they want something they sit one on either side of me and stare at me intently.  Maybe we could go to Washington and stare at congress until they get the idea!!! haha! Oh well, we'd all be staring for different reasons....

The flight for silence

When I lived in Brownfield, ME I had a great apartment on the ground floor, right under the apartment of a woman with three children, who may have also taken in a few kids for day care. I wrote the following vignette about the experience:

Living in the country

I moved from the glittery, clap-trap, honky-tonk enclaves of North Conway, New Hampshire out to the tranquil fens of Brownfield Maine - brown grasses, white birch and white pine...

Imagine my surprise when, unexpectedly, a bowling ball rolls across the floor of the upstairs apartment. Rolled by erratic spastic weight lifters unaware of their deafening strength.The upstairs, I later find, is inhabited by three children. Lovely lively maniacal children. No I am sure there must be 300 children at least. Each weights 500 pounds, no 50,000 pounds. They carry bricks in their pockets and wear lead shoes. They play tackle football for hours on end, scurrying with vibratory clatter and crash through every room. Not one square inch of ceiling is safe. No room is quiet.

My nerves have reached a degree of raw reserved for the uncooked and freshly slaughtered. My cat tears out his hair in clumps. Why did I come here? Oh yes, the tranquil country life....
______

I'd come home from work and have to coax my cat of those years, Jacklee out from under the couch. Other odd things happened. One day I shoveled out the litter box, putting the offending debris into a paper bag and carefully folded the the top down to seal it. I put this bag of treasure  out on the little deck by the front door, meaning to carry it to the dumpster. I forgot to. When I came home from work it was gone. I can only imagine little hands unrolling the bag and well - ick

Crafts to tea tasting & hiking Candlewood dam

At  Brookfield Craft Center's current show - Jump - The Synergy of Connection - which has to do with the substance of links - some of glass, clay, metal or mesh - you can find a vest made entirely of soda pop rings. Who would have guessed?

While there last Saturday, a friend, Anne Marie Marra and I struck up a conversation with a fellow craft admirer. She told us she had just come from Simpson and Vail - the tea company, and had tasted a tea or two. It was less than a mile away - so naturarlly that was our next stop.

Simpson and Vail sits on the quiet bank of an old quarry pond - so the tea contemplation begins before you enter. The atmosphere within is friendly, and heavily scented with exotic teas. Many of the tea pots on display are works of art.

Newly caffinated by this visit, we were still in need of a trek, and drove north to take a hike down to the Candlewood Dam. This earth dam was constructed in the 1920's. It was far longer a trek than I remembered - (though I am rather whimmpy!!) When we finally walked out onto the dam, my friend was stunned to see streams of water shooting out of the pipe that leads down to the power station below. The first time I noticed this, it was winter and these min-geysers had created a lattice of ice sculpture around the the pipe. I was so concerned - I went home and called up the Candlewood Lake Authority to inform them the pipe had leaks.

The man who answered the phone laughed as he assured me that was the normal condition. The water cascading out serves to dampen the pipe and keep it moist for - amazingly - this section is not made of metal, but of thick staves of wood - like a giant barrel or oak cask who's sections can not be allowed to dry out and separate.

After our trek, we went to a little restaurant for supper. After ordering, we were surprised to see Mia Farrow and several family members stroll in, and sit down for a meal just one table away. We didn't look, nor comment as everyone is entitled to have quiet meal without being gawked at.

All in all it was a pretty interesting day. Got some great video of the dam which I may post after a while.

Maisey at the Sun

Since Maisey doesn't ride the bus that far, and doesn't drive on the highway, my Christmas gift to her last year was to drive her to the casino this year. Now I am not a gambler - at all - I simply don't have the dough to lose. Also - I really don't "get" it. Should I be in possession of a dollar in change I am thinking I about getting a cup of coffee... not finding some burbling slot machine to feed.


So yesterday I brought a newspaper, and my camera. The rules say that you can take pictures but not right in the gambling areas on the floor of the casino. The leaves the walkways, the restaurants, shopping concourse, hotel lobby, the foyers for the various entrances..... The photo above is from the hotel lobby. The shot to the right is the waterfall that flows in between the the escalators to to the lobby. There is eye candy everywhere in this establishment.